My heroin, reloaded life
by ShadowsFallenAngels
Summary: Youge 18 year old Alana meets Josh Ramsay, and learns that he is a heroin addict and so you enroll him in your high school and he meets a friend Matt Webb and finally they form a band Ramsay's Fiction.
1. Primetime

**This is primetime, reload, and heroin 3**

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><p>I had awoken to my normal alarm clock. the noise pounded in my ears. it was painful and dreadful. It was 6:30A.M. On a crappy rainy Tuesday morning. My eyes fixed themselves to the lighting of the room. I sat up, to be able to reach my alarm clock to turn off the loud and painful, constant beep. I instantly flopped back down to my warm, comforting bed. My room was cold, and moist. I really had no intentions of getting up, to go to school. My body forced it's self to it's feet and walked over to my bathroom. man I really had to pee. I was very pale. As soon as I had relieved myself, i walked back to my room, and got dressed. I wore fish-net leggings, a little black skirt, a vibrant colour of pink tank top with the logo "BOTDF", I also had a leather jacket, yellow converse, and one blue fish-net finger-less glove. I looked pretty good in my eyes. I then chugged myself down the stairs and into the kitchen. My mother had already left for work and had left a 20$ on the table for my lunch. I ate a quick apple and went back up stairs into the bathroom. Studying myself carefully in the mirror, I pick up some black eye shadow on my brush, and apply it smoothly and dark upon my eye lids, then topped it off with black eye liner on both eyes, top and bottom. I looked pretty good. I just had to deal with my hair. It was pretty good. My fringe had stayed in place, and it was already straightened, and it just needed to be brushed and teased a little. I brushed through my extensions,. My hair was super black. It was ready. Running quiet fast into my room grabbing my bag and leaving my door. I jumped into my brand new car, and drove carefully to the presents of what was Hophspree Public High School. I spotted Rachel, Kyleigh and Luke all in a corner. I immediately walked towards them, swinging my arm behind me locking my car. "And I swear she like... Oh Hi Alana" Rachel was interrupted and was willing not to continue.<p>

"Hi guys, what's been going on?" I asked. Kyleigh rolled her eyes, Rachel looked at her nails and Luke was looking at his phone. Had I done something? Why were they ignoring me? It was odd they normally are always talking to me. I slowly walked away from the group and let them talk about me, and my interruption. I saw Sara and Audri and quickly ran up to them, "BOO!" I yelped, and kinda laughed about it. They looked at me weirdly than sped up, leaving me alone. Was everyone ignoring me?

_Later On..._

I entered my music class. Today was my turn to record in the studio. I had brought my guitar especially to do so. I was excited, and nervous. This recording went on a demo track, for the whole school to hear. I didn't really sing much, mostly it was my guitar's voice that was heard. But for some reason my name was crossed out... Serena had put her name instead. Slowly I walked over to Leda and touched her shoulder, she looked back to me with a shocked look. "Alana? You actually showed your face?" She muttered.

"Yeah, why?" I asked, then added, "Why is everyone ignoring me?"

"We saw you, smoking" She handed me her phone which seem to have a very clear picture of myself with a cigarette. I hadn't told anyone about my smoking habit, I hadn't planned on it. Only one person knew. That was Leda, but then why did she seem so mad? She smoked with me. "Leda, you smoke too" I whispered

"But I wasn't caught on camera! Alana this could ruin your school year." She responded before she headed to the recording studio. This was much to deal with. I started feaning for a smoke. It was much needed. I was stressed. I couldn't buy smokes for another week though. I had already skipped 4 times that week.

As soon as the bell rang I ran for the door trying to get out, I needed out. I had noticed I had a new neighbor when I got home. They had a son my age. I think his name was Josh. They were the Ramsay's. Sweet boy he was. I stood out on the porch that afternoon wondering if I would go over to greet them.

My mind started following with lyrics. I started to sing gently and softly, but of course as soon as I did Josh came out to the side of his house. I noticed he had a pack of smokes. I didn't even need to ask. "Want a smoke?" He asked gently.

"Sure," I replied. I grasped the cigarette from his hand and placed it in my mouth, reached for my lighter and light it. I inhaled the amazing smoke into my lungs, and exhaled the dark smoke. "So what's your name?" He asked.

"Alana, and you?" I responded

"Josh. Hey, um come for a walk with me?" He asked so sweetly I couldn't resist to say no. I jumped down from my porch to his side of the fence and followed him down the street. "So how old are you, Alana?" Josh asked me as we were quiet far from the neighborhood.

"18. So can you tell me where we're going?"I demanded

"Nope" Josh replied so fast.

He met a girl, half way to a very well known park, she held two bags. Josh reached for his pocket and handed her a 50$ dollar bill, she traded him both of the bags. We then followed her into a house and down to the basement. They all sat in a circle and a spoon was on a heater with white powder in it. The girl turned on the little heater and the powder liquidfied. She grabbed a belt and tide it very tightly around her forearm. She then grabbed a needle and in took all of the liquid and injected it into her arm. She untied the belt and handed it to me, and Josh put more powder in the spoon. I did just as she did, but when I was done, I went white as a ghost. I was light headed and felt sick to my stomach. I thought I was gonna puke. I was dizzy and just lied on the ground and passed out. When I woke up I saw Josh trying to pick me up. "Alana you good?" He said repeatedly.

"Josh?" I asked. He stared at me. We locked eyes. Hes eyes were so gorgeous. Maybe he thought the same about my blue eyes. He seemed to be lost in mine. Suddenly his face drew closer to mine. He brushed hes soft lips against mine. Our eyes both close. It's an amazing feeling. I had only just met him, but I felt as though I had known him for years. Was he into me? Maybe I liked him. But when we kissed... I just can't describe the feeling. But one thing was wrong... He was a heroin addict. Does that mean I would be too? Had I just done it? "I like you Alana. Your cool." Josh said, after a long time of just staring at each other.

"I like you too Josh. You seem... Flawless" That was my descriptive way of telling him, I loved him. He kissed me again. We both got out of that old house, and went on a lovely walk.


	2. Feeling Small

_**This one's of me, throwing up for you**_

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><p>It had been about 2 weeks. Josh and I still hadn't returned home. We lived in a motel, 1 hour away from my house. I wonder what my mom thought of this. Had she called the police yet? I didn't even have my phone with me. This is fucked. I just met this boy. Now I'm in love with him.<p>

I found out he has another hobby. He can sing. He can play the guitar. He can write lyrics. He good at it, but he doesn't think so. Maybe he should go to my school. I dont even think this gorgeous boy goes to school. "Hey Josh?" I muttered.

"Yes, baby?" He replied. I giggled when he said baby.

"What school do you go too?" I asked quickly.

"Oh. I don't go to school,"

"Why not?"

"I'm normally busy!"

"With?"

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT ALANA! STOP WITH THE QUESTIONS!" He screamed. What was wrong with him? Why was he suddenly an asshole? A single tear strolled down my pale face. I got up to leave. Josh's hand shot up, and grabbed my wrist. I looked down to his. There were these marks all over it. Did he hurt himself? "Josh?"

"Alana?"

"What are on your arm?" He shot his arm back down, grasping it with the other hand. A tear shed down his face, he was clearly in pain. I had noticed something else. He was really thin. What could he have done to himself? "Nothing!" he lashed out.

"Josh. Please show me your arm," I asked so politely. He let go of it. he had been cutting himself. I hadn't asked about the weight-loss. But I suggested me and him going back. He kindly agreed, we'd leave the very next morning, as it was already quiet late. I laid beside him. We held hands and closed our eyes.

Half way through the night, I heard screaming from the motel bathroom. It was Josh? What was he doing. I peeked into the slight crack, the door was open. Josh's face was over the toilet bowl. He was shoving a couple of fingers down his throat then throwing up. Why was he doing that? Was this his cause of weight-loss? "Josh.." I said while opening the door. I stood speechless. "ALANA! What are you doing awake?" He asked, standing up and wiping his face on a towel.

"I heard screaming. Whats going on?"

"Alana! I was going to tell you. You have no idea how hard this is. I love you!"

"How can you? You just met me! The only reason I fell for your bullshit is because you drugged me!"

"I DIDN'T MAKE YOU DO SHIT!" He hollard

"Then you see. If you loved me, you wouldn't yell at me."

"You don't understand!"

"Understand what Josh? What do I need to understand?"

"it's an addiction. I started a while ago. Before I met you! You were the best thing that has ever happened to me!"

"Bullshit!" Were my final words. I then left the motel, barefoot and not knowing where to go. I didn't care. I just wanted far away from there. I didn't want to live. I felt like shit. Josh only used me. I know it. No matter what. He self-harmed. Why? Didn't he know he was perfect porcelain?

_Arriving home..._

Walking through the front door was the easy part. Lying to my mom was harder! "Where the fuck were you Alana? Do you have any idea how scared I was?" My mom yelped

"Mom! I'm sorry. I was at Leda's," I responded

"You were with Leda just now?" She asked

"Yeah like 2 minutes ago"

"Leda just phoned for you..."

I was fucked! I had no way of getting out of it. I was busted. I did drugs, I ran away with an asshole I just met, who self-harmed himself. Who was I? I'm not normally like this. I had become a completely different person. Was it the heroin? Will it fade? I was scared. This was a very scary situation. I hadn't been to school in 3 weeks! Everyone probably thinks I'm dead! Most of them, probably want me dead. What was wrong with me?

I started cutting. I'm such a fucking hypocrite! I just screamed and left Josh, because of it. Now look at me! I look like a practice dummy that someone missed the stomach with multiple times. I just wanted to cry.

That night, I didn't sleep a single wink. I couldn't stop think about Josh. He must feel so unloved. I must have been the biggest bitch!

What had I become? A monster?


	3. Therapy

Walking out of my bedroom the very next morning was harder than I imagined. "Why would you leave me like that Alana?" My mom screamed at me.

"You know what? Just fuck off!" I hollered back. Passing by her, not caring what she wanted to say to me, I was planning on going to school, graduate than leave the state. I couldn't stand being on this earth knowing I hurt Josh like that. It hurt me.

Just as I took one big step outside of the door, there he was. Looking gorgeous as ever. He was with a boy. The boy looked younger than him, and had brown eyes and caramel brown hair. He was just as gorgeous as Josh. "JOSH!" I screamed. I jumped out of my house barefooted, and over to him, I couldn't help but give him a hug! He smelt, like brown sugar and he was some-what glad to see me. I think.

"Alana?" He looked at me puzzled. He didn't fully understand why, I was so happy to see him. Of course I did abandon him, at a motel, at the middle of the night, for a horrible reason.

"Josh, I am so sorry! You have no idea how sorry, I am. I shouldn't have left you, your the best thing that has ever happened to me! I'm really sorry! Please forgive me, I know I was a HUGE bitch, but I'm really sorry!" I rambled. He brushed his soft, cracked lips against mine. Probably his way to shut me up.

"It's okay baby! I forgive you" He replied. Took a step back and smiled. His friend looked even more confused. "Who is this, Josh?" I asked politely

"I'm Matt. And whats this lovely lady's name?" He asked me.

"Well I am Alana." I answered. Matt had a guitar behind his back. I guessed he played just like Josh. He was content, but also really awkward. I liked him, he was really nice.

We walked down to the basement, to where we found a mic stand, and a recording mic. They told me to sit down. And I just watched as they took the the mic and stood in positions. Ready to start playing. They start playing and started singing,

_teach me how to be real and_  
><em>show me how to understand<em>  
><em>dont let me swallow<em>  
><em>how much id like to be alive<em>  
><em>where do all those good things hide?<em>  
><em>toss me a line<em>

_dont pick me up off the ground_  
><em>ill be fine in a lost and found<em>  
><em>just when i start to force a smile<em>  
><em>just when im laughing all the while<em>  
><em>ive been faking<em>

_playing dead_

_and i would wrap myself in stitches_  
><em>if youd wrap yourself in me<em>  
><em>and i would wrap myself in blue<em>  
><em>you can be the sunshine and<em>  
><em>and i would be the force at hand<em>  
><em>yea youd be so in demand<em>

_dont pick me up off the ground_  
><em>ill be fine in a lost and found<em>  
><em>just when i start to force a smile<em>  
><em>just when im laughing all the while<em>  
><em>ive been faking it<em>

_playing dead_

_(ooohs and aaahhhs and ba ba ba)_

_i could be the turpentine_  
><em>i could be the licorice<em>  
><em>i could be the winning one<em>  
><em>i could be the parting gift<em>

_dont pick me up off the ground_  
><em>ill be fine in a lost and found<em>  
><em>just when i start to force a smile<em>  
><em>just when im laughing all the while<em>  
><em>ive been faking it<em>

_playing dead, playing dead_  
><em>(im playing, im playing, im playing dead)<em>

_but its all been just pretend,_  
><em>maybe you can pretend<em>  
><em>to bring me to life again,<em>  
><em>sometime<em>

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><p>"That... Was fucking beautiful guys!" Muttered myself, still speechless from the talent that played. They bot could sing like angels, and they both could play guitars like pro's. They were perfect. I was going to try my best to make sure they succeeded.<p>

"Really? Thanks" Matt replied. He smiled at me, then looked to Josh. They both smiled. I was so glad. They were happy.

Within' the past week we just kept practicing that song. They also made a new song within' that week... we've never played it through though. We were too nervous to.


End file.
